[Giving and receiving]
Dear Donagh,
A couple of things recently showed me a side of myself that I don’t like at all, a stinginess that I didn't even know was part of me. It was about a wedding present, I needn’t go into the details. The other was my nephew’s confirmation. I hate stingy people and I always thought of myself as very openhanded. We’re not short of money so I could afford to be a bit more decent than I was. We’re both fairly religious in the sense that we never miss Mass and we have good values. When I think of God's generosity to us I'm ashamed of myself. What does it all mean if I can't be generous to my own? Maybe I'm confusing something. Could you write a few words about it for me? Thank you, Father. Catherine
Dear Catherine,
A stingy person has no scruples about being stingy, and no regrets. The fact that you’re even thinking about this is proof in itself that stinginess doesn’t define you. But it is an interesting subject because very few if any people in the world, I suppose, are 100% generous, so everyone has a way to go.
If you see two strangers on the street, and one of them hands something over to the other, you have seen everything that happened, in one sense; but in another sense – a deeper sense - you haven’t really seen anything much at all. You have seen the body of the action, so to speak, but you haven’t seen the soul. You haven’t seen the meaning, you haven’t seen the emotion, you haven’t seen the relationship, you haven’t seen the effects, you have seen almost nothing. It’s like hearing something in a language unknown to you: you may have perfect hearing, you hear every sound that was made, and yet you hear nothing that means anything; you just hear the wind blowing over someone’s vocal cords.
Giving and receiving are not just about the exchange of goods. They are full of deeper and hidden meanings. When a bride and groom exchange rings at the altar, it’s about much more than rings. This is just as true of less solemn exchanges: it is true of everyday exchanges in the home, and with neighbours. In fact it’s true of every human exchange, except buying and selling. And even buying and selling can have a slight degree of humanity about them (except when fully mechanised in a self-checkout supermarket).
The Christian faith is all about giving and receiving. A couple of ways in which this appears: ♦ Our very existence isn't seen as a random natural event, but as a gift of God. ♦ God’s grace is a gift: the very word ‘grace’ means gift. ♦ The Eucharist is a mutual gift: “By the mingling of this water and wine may we share in the divinity of Christ who humbled himself to share our humanity.” ♦ Then there is St Paul’s teaching that we are Christ’s body. This has overwhelming significance for us. (Think of a physical body, not an organisation.) Here are a couple of lines from St Paul. “As in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another” (Romans 12:4-5). Then he spelled it out in more detail: “If the foot were to say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body’, that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear were to say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body’, that would not make it any less a part of the body…. God has so arranged the body… that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honoured, all rejoice together with it. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it” (1 Corinthians 12:12-27).
This is the immense background to all giving and receiving. When you as a Christian give something as a gift to another, it is like taking something in your right hand and placing it in your left - because the other person is one body with you in Christ. You are not deprived of what you give, you are not losing anything, there are no complications.
Quite often, giving and receiving are full of complications. Sometimes people bloat their egos by telling themselves and everyone else how generous they are. (Think of the Pharisee at the front of the Temple boasting about giving 10% of his wealth, Luke 18:9–14) Such people make the receiver feel indebted to them, possibly for life. How simple the other way of giving!
If you read and reread those passages from St Paul, Catherine, and let them get into you, everything will fall into place, and a great peace will descend on you.
Donagh